|
GX Can't Love You More
|
Dec 16, 2009 4:09 am
385 Views
|
I had given up on you my love, long long time ago.
Cos I loved you too much then but you never ever cared me.
And now I think I can't love you any more cos I think I have loved you too much. There are too many guys who are perfect, but there is only one prince who lives in the palace. Other time only snow falls in my heart.
If we are supposed to be together. we will anyway.
If not, you will go away, sooner or later.
It's my destiny, not yours.
I will have to take it myself and eat my loneliness in the dark night.
Good bye forever, my love, I will go to find my way, through my own night and day, to smile into the blue sky!!!
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
Break-up Statement
|
Dec 14, 2009 3:37 am
575 Views
|
Yesterday I finally decided to give up waiting for someone for something cos I don't know if this is coming. I made some pictures in the morning and took the No.4 bus. Everytime when I have to be in a bus or taxi, I will feel terribly sick and disgusting. I think I am too sensitive about too many things. I got off near a computer center and went to the printing shop. I connected my mobile phone to one of their computers and they copied my secrets to their working machine. I got a small note for tomorrow's fetching after paying the money first. I liked the girl this time cos she didn't check all the pictures in front of me or even didn't ask too much about them. I left there and went into the computer center. I wanted to buy something digital to keep my important pictures and other memories. It's the only way I can make you stay with me right now. However, when I got inside, I found that the market had changed and the prices had risen as well. I had to range for the next step again. I was thinking, maybe 2008 was not only the low year for me but also for the whole world. This self comfort did make me feel much better. So I went to another big computer center which was almost the first time for me to go inside. I was sure that I had passed it many times during the past 4 years when I was here in this city. But I never got to go inside or even know about it yet. Then I realized that too many people in our life are just passers by or even strangers. But how we met each other and fell in love? The chance is really pretty small and difficult to match, Then why would we still not appreciate and value what we have got?
I heard his voice again and again in my phone and every time I couldn't help crying out tears. I know I am taking another risk for never forgetting him. Even he has let me down too many times, I still love him a lot. Love is just that kind of thing when you wanna have you will not necessary get; when you wanna leave behind it still stand with you all the way.
I went inside the center and walked around a bit. Then I did nothing but only to find a way to come out! I found myself totally lost in it. I lost my memories, I couldn't tell the directions at all, and then I had to ask someone else out there for help. After finally got of that area, it took me another half an hour to wait for the No. 4 bus! When I got on it, I was wondering all the way, am I in Beijing or Baoding now? On the way a lady near me got off the bus and finally took a seat from her. One of my roommates invited me to dinner for a little piece of paper work but I kept her waiting for almost half an hour cos I didn't know it's like that. I ignored that it was Sunday! Finally she sent me a text asking, oh my god, where are you now?
We had a nice dinner together and we talked many things as well. About her ex bf that she never told to other roommates yet, about the only guy that I used to like in college. She really took me as a very interesting and humous person. I think I did learn to hide myself better more, at least on this pointing of forgetting sadness and sorrow.
Girl's week has come as well in a peaceful nap at noon. My worry for getting pregnant has gone with it at the same time. I think in some moments I did wanna have a forever memory with someone even I know that he was not that special one for me, but when it really came to the time, I was still not emotional enough and I just made the choice all by myself.
Maybe it's a funny story in the end cos the relationship has broken up but the virginity is still here with me. Can you believe that?
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
|
It's Only What BF Should Do
|
Dec 14, 2009 3:31 am
353 Views
|
He is a common man. He works 40 hours in a week.
He is an unique man. He works day after day, night after night.
He is a handsome man. He has got very attractive blue eyes and very naughty sexy smile. By the way, he never thinks himself as a big man even he has always been already in my eyes.
His name is Teddy and now he calls me Xiao Xue Gong Zhu.
You must be very curious now that why would he have a name for a bear, right? It's just an easy story. I named the bear he gave me his name, so I called him the bear's name instead. Cute and lovely, isn't it?
He seldom lets me down especially on the calling issue. If he says that he will call me at 9am, he will surely dail my No. then unless he is really sick or his sister is using the phone or the connection just cant get through. Or else he would still quickly be online to send me an email or some offline messages to let me know what's going on out there. I hope this habit could last longer and longer cos I really like people who always keep their words and be on time!
Being a teacher was always one of my dreams since I was a little kid and he knows that as well. Recently I just have got a chance about this job, but if I took it, then I won't have too much time spent together with him which was not what I wanted. It's our date and my promise to him. I don't wanna break up anything with him. He is the last person in the world that I would love to hurt.
So at first I decided not to tell him about the news but chose to wait for it myself. However, he insisted to know. Finally I told him and to my surprise, he firmly supported me for this, even he wanted to have more moments with me. At that time I was so moved and didn't know what to say but kept on saying, thanks, honey, for your understanding. However, he only said this one sentence to me:
It's Only What BF Should Do.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
I Wanna Be A
|
Dec 6, 2009 12:36 am
551 Views
|
I wanna be a great famous writer to write down all our stories;
I wanna be a emotional poiet to post all the wonderful lines for you;
I wanna be a shinning star to sing each beautiful song to your ears;
I wanna be a perfect actor to play again and have our movie again together;
I wanna be a powerful painter to draw all of your handsome pictures in my memory;
I wanna be a brave speaker to tell the whole world about you and us being together;
I wanna be a common teacher to share all of your new and fresh ideas with my students;
I wanna be a real mother to have the best kids in the world with you;
I wanna be a forever traveller to search around the world to find you back to me;
I wanna be a good kisser to let you know how much I love and care.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
|
When People Say: I Love You
|
Nov 16, 2009 1:45 am
629 Views
|
I know it's hard to give up but only this you can move on to a new beginning.
When people say that they love you, it means they are not sure of the love itself so they have to say it out to make themselves more confident.
When people say that they will call you back or later, usually it means they will not do that again.
When people say that they will keep in touch with you, it means that they are telling you that they don't wanna contact with you, but they are forcing themselves to.
During this cold season, I have been searching and looking around to find out the true of me inside. Who am I? What do I wanna get in the end? What do I care the most? What will my future be like? Will I be happy? Will I live better? I think I have lost my noble pride once again for some reasons for some persons which made me lose myself. I feel so lost in my dreams. The world is not completely dark yet but so grey all over. The traveller in time hasn't come to me yet, and I am not sure if he can take away my loneliness and bring new things to my life. He is not sure if he can heal the wounds to lead me to the sun. I need to continue walking alone to find the one who will be with me in the path till the end of time. He doesn't even know what to do, then what about me? I am not confident or strong enough and sometimes even too weak. I must cheer up and try to be happy. I know that I will surely meet someone new in the future and I must believe in that. I am still young, but I can't spend my whole life waiting somebody that might never come to me. You will be better than him, I can feel that right now. Hold on, I am coming to you.
|
|
|
4
Comments
|
|
|
What's Wrong On Earth?
|
Nov 4, 2009 4:29 am
464 Views
|
I just watched the movie called “Baby Sisters” and I was tollly shocked at last! What’s wrong with the world itself on earth?
The highschool girl student works very hard for his tuition in college in an inlegal way. She sells not only herself but also runs the selling “bussiness” if we can call it this name. She takes some guys to beat the girl and her customer for she doesn’t obey her rules of giving her 20% to her and does things behind her back. At last she finds out that the customer in fact her own father. This is really a crazy world completely out of my imagination. How can it be like this and why?
I never understand. Who can tell me?
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
Angles' Hearts waiting Out There behind the Hill
|
Nov 4, 2009 3:47 am
414 Views
|
I have been watching a lot of movies recently, both home and abroad. But I don’t wanna really write something about that. Maybe most of them were too far away from me, or I just forgot them the next day. However, I can’t stop thinking about this one since last night called ”Angel’s Heart” and I must do something for it.
It’s a simple story directed by a guy who was born in the 1980s. The story is made in memory of those who have been teaching in small poor villages in south of China and also given as a special present for them.
A young college graduate girl wants to continue her research about education problems in mountain area countryside. So she tries her best to apply for teaching for 3 months far away from the city. She has a boyfriend who used to study aboard and came back in college time. They were very much in love with each other before they came to the small village together. The girl says that it was a love test between them. She tells him that if he can stay with her for that 3 months, then she will marry him at once when they come back home. The boy was quite sure of himself with that cos he thought he loved the girl very much and he would love to scarify for her. He never thought the difficulties would be so out of his imagination.
On the train to the village, they were still very excited about what was gonna happen to them. They called their friends to tell them the big news on the empty train till it stopped at a very beautiful place. There was a small truck pulled by a cow. They were still singing on the way for the nice trip, if only it was only a travel trip.
The head of the village waited in the entrance of the village and gave them a very big and warm welcome in a very funny way in our eyes. He was speaking his native language but not madrin and he looked stupid as well. There were big and deep time marks on his forehead and his teeth were dark brown and some of them were broken. His face was the color like a burnt skin. They were both shocked by him as well. He introduced the head teacher who was also the only teacher there to them. The head teacher called all the 18 kids in the school together and they gathered in a very impressive way. One of them carried a pig in his arms with a box cos there was nobody else at his house and it might be stolen; another took the cow there cos his mom asked him to feed it with grass on the hill after that. When they were all welcoming to the new teachers, the cow suddenly ran away and they had to chase it around. The chickens were frightened as well.
There used to be another teacher from a big city who served here for free for about 2 months. She taught the kids in a completely different way, like the Britain and American. All the kids loved her a lot and when she had to leave there at last, all the kids cried out loudly. The kids became smarter than before and it was even more difficult for the head teacher to educate them cos of the comparison. Both the head of the village and he were afraid of the same thing happening again, so they tried very hard not to let the new teachers in charge of main lessons like Chinese or Math. Meanwhile, the girl’s boyfriend was totally astonished by the surroundings and he never stopped looking for fun himself. The signals were pretty bad there and he even fell down to the ground when he climbed a ladder to the roof to make a call about football competition. Even he tried to play football with the kids; it still couldn’t help at all about his loneliness and boringness. They never had meat since he went there cos it was not in a festival and at first he quite much liked it for it helped losing weight, but later on it turned very terrible. So he asked the head teacher to kill the cow or even some chicken for meat, but the head teacher told him that the cow must live for working on the farm and the chicken have to stay for the eggs and the eggs have to be sold for the text books for the kids. But he still wanted them badly so one day he took some risks and chased after the chicken. The result was that he was caught by the dog and got a bite from it as well. When after all of this he came to his girlfriend for comfort, she just said that he deserved all. She had been very cold to him cos she was still worrying about how to teach main lessons there. He wrote a letter to the head teacher and asked him to let the girl be in charge but it didn’t work out. They even thought of a way to vote for the Chinese teacher and all the kids chose the head teacher cos he asked them to. Later the girl got an unknown letter about the truth and finally she took the charge. Of course at last we know that the one who wrote this was in fact a little boy who never spoke since his father heat him badly and seriously after drunk. When the girl was enjoying all of this and felt great of herself, the boy was still bored of the life and it became more and more difficult for him to continue. One day he went near a lake and there was a man fishing. He asked him, is there any fish here in the water? The man replied in a certain voice, yes, sure. He didn’t come back to school when it was very late at night and the girl was quite worried about him. When she was about to shout at the head teacher for she thought it was him who hid her boyfriend again to force them to leave her boyfriend showed up in the dark distance in a very disappointed mood. They asked him where he had been and what he had done. He told them that he went to a lake but didn’t get any fish till too late. “But the man near the lake told me that there is! “ He said. “You mean the man who has been crazy for years?” The headteacher said. “Yeah. I finally knew it at last.”
He went to the room to pack his luggage but the girl wouldn’t allow him to go. She held her in her arms tightly and he stayed in her bed that night. Before that he was arranged to sleep with the headteacher and he kept on complaining about his snoring and moving around. In the morning she went out to climb the mountain with the kids when he was still sleeping like a baby. When they were happily playing there, the head of the village ran there and told her that her boyfriend just left. She ran to the station immediately and when she got there, it began to rain very heavily. But she couldn’t stop him when he said this: “Yeah, You are right. I am a big fool since the day I came here, just like the one who keeps on fishing in a lake without any fish! I wanna go home now and I miss my family!” “Then how about our love?” She asked. He didn’t say anything but cried out tears. The girl fell down to the ground when she walked back to the village and she woke up in a hospital. The biggest girl in the class was there as well as the headteacher. They talked a lot about how he became a teacher and why. He said that he felt so proud like a general when speaking on the stage. One day the biggest girl suddenly disappeared and she told him that she had gone to work in the city. He got very angry for that and later on told her the truth. He said the girl’s father died cos of him. His father got deaf when he was young kid playing fire on the street. Then he went to the city to work and was killed by the truck behind cos he couldn’t hear at all. He said that he must be responsible for the girl and he couldn’t allow her to be like his sister. His sister went to the city to work at first selling things but later on selling bodies. She jumped out of the window in the 18th floor when the police came to catch her. She mistook the window as a door…
The girl teacher’s eyes were wet after hearing this and she went together to the city with him to find her back. He asked her to take some photos for him to find a wife in a dating place at town.
3 months have been over and she had to go back to the city as well. Of course all the kids cried again when saying goodbye.
One day the head of the village came to visit the girl teacher in the city and brought her some fruit in the hill cos she likes them. When she asked him to take some photos back to the headteacher, he told her that he had been dead when trying to fix the wall and roof of the school. She was deeply touched by this and decided to go back there again.
One day two journalists came to the village after hearing her story. They wanted her to tell them something but she wouldn’t like to so they asked her to just take a photo. She was sitting in the chair in the middle in the front when a little kid moved another chair near her and some other kids put some wild flowers on the chair.
That was the end of the story.
I couldn’t forget about it cos it has so much to do with my own dreams. To become a teacher when grow up was the first big dream that I had in my childhood and even it’s too small in others’ eyes. I think maybe someday I will chose to teach like this as well.
For the love part, I think I am very confident of myself in some points as well, especially in the faith for the power of love. I think people can change the world as long as they have got enough love in their hearts. And I also believe that love can make mysterious things happen cos it will bring two completely different persons together and try to be better for each other.
At last, it reminds me of a famous write in Taiwan called Sanmao. She married a guy from Spain and lived together in Sahara for many years. She didn’t choose a way to teach there, but she found a way to live. And the love between them is forever and what I want. He loves her and then he will follow her anywhere anytime till the last moment of his life. He died for her at last when trying to catch some fish in the sea for her and she killed herself as well after his death. She said that without regret and sorry to her parents, she wouldn’t feel so painful at all.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
Let's Make Love Till Sunrise
|
Oct 20, 2009 7:30 am
867 Views
|
It's a damn cold winter in a damn cold country. She can 't understand why there are still so many people choose to live here, just like the mysterious secret of her love to him. ¬
The sky is the color of grey, but not the silver one that she has been loved with for a long time. It's called dark grey, the color which makes people wanna die in a boring and disgusting world.¬
The street is unclean and dirty and the houses around look very old much more than traditional. Most of them are quite small and short which makes the road seem to be even wider. The cars are just like those made from the 19th century. There are no trees around at all but only some flowers in a small bottle which make them look like unreal just like her coming to him today.¬
It's 5th of Feb today and she finally left her own country for the only man that she has loved since about 22 months ago when she is gonna to be 22 years old. Everything ever happens to her is just like a dream. His name, his smile, his eyes, his hair, his smile, his career, his home, his girls, his friends, his family, his color, all of them have given her the power of love to bring her finally to him, through mountains and rivers.¬
Before this, she sent him a text to his mobile phone saying that she would arrive at LD at 6pm even she heard the woman saying "This person's phone is switched off, please try later or send a text." She was not sure if he could get it or not, or when he would read it, or where he was exactly. It was a totally adventure to her and she is experiencing the craziest moment of risks right now.¬
She recognized him at once when she got off the waiting gate in the airport and he looked even more handsome than before and much taller. He kept on looking around and smile filled his clean and smooth face after he saw her. She threw the briefcase away and opened her arms. He held her tightly in his arms for a long time and didn't say anything. At that moment she felt so unreal cos this only happened in her dreams before even for so many times. For her, he is not the man that she has been looking for years, but also the star that is gonna guide her world. He took the briefcase using his left hand and held her left hand with his right hand. His eyes never watched anyone else since she showed up in front of him.¬
"Love you and your car." She said this when he put her briefcase in the back box.¬ "But I always wanna have a black car, you know, I love the color of your hair." He smiled as usually when telling her this.¬
"When I changed it into dark brown last year, I was thinking if you would still like me or not." She said.¬
"You can change something for some time only, but something you have is never able to be changed. That's the truly beautiful part of you indeed in fact." He answered.¬
She went to the bathroom to take a long-time shower after the long journey when he was cooking for her in the kitchen. The house was neither too big nor too small in size and it's very clean everywhere. There was the smell of flowers all around.¬ Later when she came out of the bathroom, the house had been full of delicious taste. When she sat down besides the table, she couldn't help herself clapping cos it's kind of art work more than food making. When he watched her eating in an enjoyable way, she asked him, "Why don't you have some as well?" ¬
"It's only for you. I would love to see you all the way." He said as a perfect man. He put his hands beneath his chin with his charming smile on his face. His smile was just like a flower of love in his fingers.¬
She cleaned the dishes when he went to the bathroom. Later on he came out and put the DVD player on and they watched some movies together. He kissed her before he left his room and went to the guest room. In her dreams that night they were watching sunset together near the sea while he stayed up the whole night awake. For him, she was absolutely the best gift that god had brought to him. He knew that he never deserved her love cos he had done anything for her. She loved him much more than he did to her. These made him scared and feel guilty and not confident. If you get something or somebody too easily, you will have to worry about that you might lose them any time.¬
Early in the morning, she woke up and found herself alone in his room. She thought he just got up before her, so she called his name around the house. He heard her voice when he just fell asleep. "I am here." He answered and walked out to the waiting-room. “Did you sleep well last night? Are you hungry now?" "Yeah. Of course. I dreamt about you again. But I am not really hungry yet. Just a little bit. How about you?" "I am just in front of you now, so you don’t have to see me in dreams only. I am feeling starving now. Here is some bread and milk." He went to the kitchen and found out all these things to eat usually for breakfast in the west. "I would love to drink milk but I don’t like bread at all." She said. "All right. Get dressed and let's go out now, ok?" He talked to her gently and she felt herself melt in his softness. She nodded her head lightly and went back to his room.¬
The weather that day was extremely sunny and clean which was a big surprise for her. "Isn't it strange to enjoy so good air here?" She questioned when they walked on the street. "It's the biggest welcome for my young lady from another world." He said, putting on his black coat a little bit up head.¬
"Thank you so much, LD!" She put her hands around her mouth pretending to shout but in fact only two of them heard what she was saying.¬
They found a Chinese restaurant near his house and ordered some traditional dishes.¬
"Have you been here before? Do you always come here?" She asked him when waiting for the dishes.¬
"Not so much before. But I guess I will come more and more later." He said with a sweet but small smile even deeply in his heart he was not sure at all. He didn't know if he would come over someday just for memory or unconsciously. He wanted to remember her, for her pure and deep love; on the other hand, he didn't wanna think of her again cos it would surely make him feel hurt.¬
"Hmmmm, all these things taste so good. I should have come more often before. They are almost new and fresh to me." He said and enjoyed.¬
"Like me?" She suddenly spoke such sad things which made him feel shocked at one point. Immediately she began to feel regret cos he moved on to keep silent like usual. She knew exactly that he was never good at commitment so he never promised her anything. Maybe it's the only thing she couldn't blame on him, she thought, it's my choice and destiny. I am followed by my own desire. It's nothing to do with him. Moreover, he is trying to be nice polite and pitiful to me.¬
He advised to drive her around the city or even the country to show her around even he knew that he was actually the only precious thing there for her. She cared nothing else but him and that's why she was here for him. So she just said, can we just walk around, you and me? ¬
They took a lot of photos around even the scenery was terrible then. She tried to smile but there was still invisible sadness inside her blood and it's her painful pleasure. ¬
Time passed so fast and each hour with him flies like a flash just in one second. They drunk a little in a bar at noon and continued walking in the afternoon. He told her a lot of things on the way, about the city and the country, about his childhood, about his college; about his work...She got to know him more and better. ¬
Evening came finally and she told him how much she loved him since the day she met him and what things she had done for him. She took out the present in her pocket which she made by hand in 3 months day by day night by night point by point with both his name and her name on. It was the picture of two cute pigs being together holding hands together with lights on. She cried out tears at last and her eyes were wet as well. He held her tightly in his arms and kissed her. She hugged him as well and kissed him back. His tongue was warm and wet in her ears and her hair got messed by his lips. They came into a taxi home and she put her head in his chest while he put her inside his black warm coat with his temperature around her. He opened the door in the dark and immediately caught her in his arms. He carried her to his bedroom and threw her to his bed. He took off his black coat and dropped it on the floor and rushed to the bed. He kissed her neck hardly and at the same time he moved her clothes as well. Her fingers were around his back and then he was naked. He bite her skin sometimes which made her feel that he really did care about her and he wanted to make some marks on her. "Baby, am I too small for you?" she asked him unconfidently when he moved on kissing down. "No, not at all. I will make you grow." He answered in a hurry and continued with the hard but happy love work.¬
After he came into her, she cried out again, but in happiness this time. Cos she realized her dream in the end and it would be the forever memory for her. Her blood was also left on his clean white bed when he turned the lights on and wanted to go to the bathroom.¬
"Do you need a pill to stop being pregnant?" He asked in a surprising voice. Though he knew that it was her first time, he still thought he was too young. Even he knew that there was a little possibility between them, at then he would never know that maybe they would never meet again.¬
"No, my love. I would like to keep it." She said.¬
"We can still have one later." He said.¬
"It's ok for me now." She said when she was thinking, it's enough for Me.
"What are you gonna do tomorrow then? Where do you wanna go or who do you wanna see?" He changed the subject when he came back.¬
"Anything with you. You say it." She said, trying to hide her sadness.¬
"Hmmmm, let me think. I will tell you tomorrow morning." He made a funny expression when saying this to her.¬
"Night night." She went to the bathroom and closed the door.¬
He fell asleep easily that night and he dreamt about his kid. It's a lovely boy and he came to find his father when he grew up. Before that, they never met or knew each other at all.¬
She went to the guest room this time but she couldn't fall asleep. Will you make love to me all night till sunrise if you know that I am gonna leave tomorrow morning? Her grandpa came to pick her up at 4 o'clock when he was still in his future dreams. His face looked very serious when she went to his bedroom. However, there was a big smile after she kissed his cheek and head.¬
She left the house quietly and said goodbye to him silently inside her heart.¬
Sometimes she considers herself as a deep destiny-truster. She knew exactly what she wanted to get from him since the day she met him. She was sure of the ending. She believes that love only exists once in a lifetime the most and when she misses him, she will never meet the chance again. She has to get married cos it's the true life even her love has been dead long time ago.¬
The plane flies to the blue sky and wind is blowing outside the window. 14 hours have lost forever but everything is worthwhile since she has been together with him for 22 hours.¬
(The End)¬
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
To link to this blog (cheersnow) use [blog cheersnow] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
1
|
2
|
32
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
31
|
|
|
|
Most Recent Comments by Others
|
