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 | Sometimes I go whole days
listening bored, half sleep
I won't say anything
that's worth a thing to me
One day, suddenly, time
took a turn that once felt so brief
I blinked to see polite ghosts fading quickly
What begins as an unguarded
train of thoughts slowly can become
an addiction to the slumber
of disconnection and the resonance
of memory that no longer has a shape
but keeps you numb through
the hours till gone is another day
Be aware, my darling
these things I say I mean
are just traces of something
I long to feel again
I see our time expand
in the air almost forcibly,
spreading thinner till it dissolves completely
--Half Asleep, by School of Seven Bells
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Search Party, Or, Where's Jake?
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Apr 16, 2008 9:01 pm
4145 Views
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Anybody seen Jake, the Scotsman?
Haven't seen him around and am wondering where he's gone off to. Some theories abound--
1. He's hibernating in between slcplunkett's baldy blokes;
2. A giant squirrel grabbed him and made him part of its nut collection;
3. He's found religion in a jar of marmite after reading what gowerboy did with it;
4. He finally got arrested for those flashing belisha beacons;
5. He's enrolled himself in a 12 step program with Kiltlovers Anonymous;
6. He finally got abducted by a Giant Alien Chicken who got ticked off about his constant claims that chickens aren't real. He is now the subject of a lab experiment in a chicken galaxy 2500 light years away.*
Seriously though, anyone hearing from him, please tell him his hen Morag sends a hullo, and hope he's doing fine. We miss him round these parts.
*Only remembered to put this in after royalpurple talked about chickens--thanks Lei!
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39
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An Open Letter To Online Players
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Apr 15, 2008 3:08 am
5794 Views
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Dear Online Player,
I don't know who you are, and I don't think I do want to get to know you at all. I got up close and personal with some of you (or was it just one of you?) when I was a newbie, when you thought it was great sport to pretend to be this brilliant young lady who didn't think it enough to dazzle me with imaginary accomplishments (and so managed to hook me into having wonderfully stimulating conversations with you where I felt fortunate to have become friends with one so gifted), but you just had to concoct an entire cast of supporting characters to keep up with the ruse. Silly me back then, naively thinking everyone would be as honest and as up front as I was with who and what they were online. After a while though, I began to see that the pieces you so carefully crafted didn't fit. So I kept up with your ruse, along with a couple of my authentic online friends whom you tried to bamboozle as well, and eventually we turned the tables on you and kicked your sorry arse back to the rathole from whence you came.
We were fortunate in that sense, because you only tried to hook us with friendship, knowing that anything romantic wouldn't fly with me, being married. But after that one incident, I began to develop a healthy cynicism about people online. And I began to see that you were legion, with so many manifestations in so many different people it's difficult to keep track.
You came in the guise of one so charming and nice you had women eating out of your hand in the chatroom while promising each and every one of them they were the only one for you, and that all those rumors about other women being linked to you were nothing more than rumor-mongering from jealous gossips who had nothing better to do. You were so manipulative you made up this elaborate drama about killing yourself, then emailing your then online fiancee, pretending to be your sister and telling her that you were already dead. When nobody bought the ridiculous tale (because they were already suspecting you were nothing but an attention-seeking Drama Queen), you miraculously came back to life and claimed someone who had it in for you hacked into your computer to send that email and that the FBI were already investigating it. Why the FBI would even bother with some hick from the boondocks of Montana I would never know, but that was your story and you were sticking to it. Then you finally met your online fiancee who was so in love with you she couldn't see the forest for the trees, but you dumped her right off and then disappeared. When she finally realized what a lowdown lying snake you really were, she decided to move on and meet someone new, and that was when you saw fit to resurrect yourself and claim you still loved her. Poor you, she wasn't buying it anymore, so you moved on to a more vulnerable target, and when your ex-fiancee tried to warn her about you, you raged and ranted about how jealous the poor deluded woman was, badmouthing you like that. Eventually even your new target realized what a manipulative psycho you really were, and finally dumped you after you kept harassing her on her cellphone. You disappeared from chat, but we all know that like a snake, you're just biding your time, hibernating until you think the heat is off, so you can resurrect and play your little mind games on a new batch of women all over again, and wreak havoc with their emotions.
Oh but let's not forget, you can be women too. Women like that supposed German girl from Berlin who made a friend of mine in the UK buy a ticket to visit you, only to claim, two days before his flight, that you had to move out of your flat and that you would immediately email him your new address. Of course you never did--you were never heard from again--and my friend was left holding a ticket he couldn't refund because you made him buy it on sale for his own good.
You can be more than one woman as well, creating an entire new persona out of thin air, customizing it to fit the dreams of someone who turned you down, just so you could get back at him. You pretended to be someone blonde and blue-eyed from North Carolina, but who had to go to Kenya to be with your missionary father who unfortunately had an accident when the riots began there, so noble daughter that you were, you had to rush off to his rescue, but lo! And behold! You got into a car accident there yourself which necessitated brain surgery, no less! While your created persona was purportedly languishing in the hospital, you stepped in as yourself and, pretending to be your other persona's good friend, kept emailing the poor man with constant updates with how the poor woman from North Carolina was doing. You would have kept this soap opera going on and on and on, except that the man you tried to play who was another good friend of mine, wasn't as clueless as you thought, and managed to get software that tracked down both your email address and the one of the persona you created, and well--let's just say that with all his suspicions about you, he wasn't entirely surprised to find out you both were in Pretoria, South Africa, with the exact same ISP.
And now here you are again in another guise–a different person to be sure--but animated by the same motivation to play with people, emailing women on the blogs en masse, using the exact same words and the exact same approach, claiming to be writing to no one else but them, wanting to be with no one but them alone. I wonder what kick you must get out of this. (I wonder too if you just BCC every woman on your mailing list with the exact same romantic crap because you're too lazy to even email them individually)
Does it seem like the most gut-busting fun to your sort to play with people's emotions this way? Do you think this makes you cool, managing to turn people's heads with honeyed words and elaborately staged ploys? Do you think you're better than the poor deluded souls you've managed to string along? Smarter? Craftier? Superior?
I don't think so. I think you are a poor excuse of a human being whose pathetic ego needs such stroking and shoring up that you have to resort to schemes like these just to get satisfaction. I believe deep inside you hate yourself with such a vengeance that you must spread your bitterness and venom to others, because to keep it to yourself would be unbearable. I believe that you have a cruel, sick, nasty and twisted streak in you that provides you with the necessary conviction that it's fine to toy with people, it's absolutely OK to lie to them, because what are they worth to you anyway?
Would this even change your mind? I doubt it. Your kind is addicted to the thrill of taking people for a ride, to putting one over someone naïve enough to swallow everything you said hook, line and sinker. You will do this again and again, for as long as there are people who believe in the innate goodness of others.
I write this to vent, because I feel for my friends who have been lied to and manipulated, when their only “fault” was to wish that they would find in here someone to love, and be loved in return.
But you know what? Those you have strung along have it better than you a thousandfold, because they can still hope, they can still dream, they can move on. Someday they will find someone worthy of their love and loyalty, and so find true happiness.
You, however, are stuck in a rut, unable to climb up from the hole of hate and lies and pettiness you have dug for yourself. And so you must constantly do this over and over, unable to find true contentment, never at peace, constantly needing to reaffirm your own negligible worth by duping others. You are nothing more than an emotional con man, empty and hollow, and eventually–you can bet your bottom dollar on this, too--karma will catch up with you.
If it hasn't already.
Sgd.,
The Ticked Off MunchkinMatron
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81
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A Love Song (Well, Sort Of) I Sang To Fancypanties On Voice...
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Apr 10, 2008 6:09 am
4154 Views
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...but before I post the lyrics of that heart-tugging, soul-wrenching (sort of) love song, first, a shameless plug for all you wonderful people out there to vote for her entry in FriendFinder Success Stories Contest! so she can win a gold ball (which she will then let me fondle) and gowerboy can get his shirt.
You can vote for gowerboy too, as I did as well, but then since he only wants the shirt he'd have to give his gold ball to Fancyfree, which sounds quite painful. Plus the fact that I only have a thing for fondling Kiwi gal gold balls, not Welsh bloke ones. Blame it on the marmite.
Here now is that (sort of) love song I sang, complete with faux Mexican accent. Anyone who wants to hear me sing it to them on the yippee must send proof of voting.
Speedy Gonzales, eat your heart out.
Gay Caballero
I once was a gay caballero
I went to Rio de Janeiro
I carried with me one bambambadee
And two of my bambambaderos
I met a lovely senorita
One night at the local fiesta
She wanted to see my bambambadee
And two of my bambambaderos
That sonofagun senorita
Gave me bad case of gonorrhea
It crusted the tip of my bambambadee
And one of my bambambaderos
I went to the local medico
Who wanted to see my poor willow
He took off the tip of my bambambadee
And one of my bambambaderos
I once was a gay caballero
I came from Rio de Janeiro
I left there the tip of my bambambadee
And one of my bambambaderos.
Ole!
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47
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Yes Ma'am, I Really AM A Lawyer
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Apr 8, 2008 7:56 am
4744 Views
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Met up with a new client tonight, one referred by another client who was, and still is, very happy with our firm's services. Old client and new client both being Chinese, and Chinese speaking lawyers here not really easy to find, I'm finding myself and our law firm being referred to more and more members of the Chinese community. Considering that blatant advertising of any sort is unethical practice for our profession here--thus verboten--word of mouth is really how we expand our client base.
Right off the bat I sense something is wrong when the new client sees me. She gives me a head to toe once over.
Client: (Suspiciously) You look very young to be a lawyer.
Me:(Mortified at being put on the spot and now needing to admit actual age) Oh, er, thank you but I'm actually turning 40 this year.
Client: (Very surprised) FORTY?? You could have fooled me, I thought you were a fresh graduate. From college.
Me: (Trying to keep my cool, sensing doubts as to my capabilities) I assure you, I've been practicing my profession for more than a decade, and I worked for the Supreme Court before.
Client: (Mollified at hearing "Supreme Court") Aaah, very good, very good. But you are still single, ha?
Me: (Getting a tad ticked off at client's nosiness, still keeping a smile but gritting my teeth) Um, no, I'm married.
Client: Aaah, but I bet no children yet, heya? You look so thin. Don't think you've ever been pregnant.
Me: (Gritting teeth) Actually, I have two sons. Now, about your legal problem?
You think it's easy being this short and looking this young considering my profession?
Sigh.
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59
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Recipe Exchange
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Apr 4, 2008 7:48 pm
5235 Views
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Awright, you foodies and closet kitchen scientists, come on out of the woodwork.
Practically everyone on ff knows how much I love to eat and how much I love to cook. And how WHF and I can lay waste to a buffet without even breaking a sweat. Now, since all I ever really talk about is either food or (looks around to see if them bots are here--eeek, there IS one right over there, near the fridge!), ahem, secks, and since the last post I had was about one of the latter's tawdry accoutrements, it's now food's turn to take center stage again.
I've been thinking of doing this for quite some time now, putting up a Recipe Exchange post, but one thing or another would invariably draw my attention. So before another pewbeeque-cally inclined topic comes my way, I better launch this one.
The idea is for the blog community to come over here and exchange recipes, and considering that we come from all over the globe, I bet we can learn something interesting about each other's culture through our food. My cooking reflects my Chinese, Filipino and Spanish ancestry, but I've been cooking a lot of Indian, Italian and Continental dishes as well.
Please don't limit yourselves to just your country's cuisine--anything you've tried and tested that came out scrumptious is more than welcome.
So, to get the ball rolling, here's one of my favorite recipes for Sweet and Sour Pork:
1 lb Pork tenderloin
2 Green bell peppers
1 White onion
1 small can Pineapple tidbits (omit this if you're WHF)
To marinate pork:
1 tbsp Soy sauce
1 tbsp cornstarch
1 tbsp cold water
1 egg yolk
Seasoning sauce:
3 tbsp vinegar
4 tbsp sugar
4 tbsp ketchup
5 tbsp cold water
3 tsp cornstarch
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp sesame oil
Extra 1/2 cup cornstarch
Procedure:
1. Pound pork with the back of a cleaver to tenderize pork, then cut into 1 inch cubes. Marinate for at least 1/2 hour.
2. Cut green peppers and the white onion into 1 inch squares.
3. Coat the marinated pork with cornstarch one piece at a time and deep fry in small batches in hot oil over high heat until done, about 2-3 minutes. Remove the pork, reheat the oil and deep fry again until crispy. Set pork aside to drain on paper towels or a wire rack.
4. Heat 2 tbsp oil to stir fry the green peppers, onions and pineapple. Add the seasoning sauce, bring to a boil. Turn off the heat, add the pork. Mix well and serve immediately.
Goes great with steamed white rice.
Bon Appetit!
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86
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Psssst, Hey, Bud...Wanna Buy A Merkin?
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Mar 30, 2008 10:43 pm
5945 Views
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Another one of those "whoever-said-blogging-isn't-edumacational" sorta posts--not that it's the RIGHT education, mind.
A merkin, for you clueless folks out there (of which I was one until a couple of days ago) is defined thus by Wikipedia:
A merkin is a pub1c wig (first use, according to OED, was in 1617), worn by prostitutes after shaving their gen1talia to eliminate lice or to disguise the marks of syphilis. There are many different ways of wearing a "Merkin" although most involve placing the merkin on the vul-va or the scr0tum.
Etymologically, the word is believed to be derived from malkin, meaning "mop." Not only did this hairpiece do duty as a pubic wig, but the merkin, apparently, was used to mop floors (or, possibly, just to "mop up" after secks). Not to be outdone by the fair secks, men also occasionally wore merkins, and one of their members, Aaron Barschak, enjoyed flashing his pubic wig at unsuspecting passersby.
Nope, not public. Pub1c. Pew-beeque.
Why do I get the feeling the dang things won't sell in Brazil?
(And after 26 comments, they censored this post, which is why I've edited it  )
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68
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My One Regret...
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Mar 27, 2008 6:32 am
3589 Views
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...was not being able to get on the Dive Coaster at the Panyi Theme Park in Guangzhou, with its practically 90 degree straight down vertical drop. Lines were too long, and the youngest wanted me to experience the joys of ALL the kiddie rides with him.
Oh well--there's always a next time, right?
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24
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Why Did The Giraffe Cross The Road?
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Mar 27, 2008 6:27 am
3075 Views
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To get away from them zebras, who were getting him dizzy bunching up together with all those stripes (like that infamous teacher WHF blogged about).
Photo taken at Panyi Safari Zoo in Guangzhou, while inside a viewing car that got us up close and personal with the animals.
Only time I ever experienced having to stop to let some wildebeest pass.
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5
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Riverboat Cruise...
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Mar 27, 2008 6:20 am
3034 Views
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...and the sights we saw during dinner sailing down along Pearl River in Guangzhou. We went out to the prow afterwards. The air was nippy, the wind sharp on our faces, and the night took on a magic all its own.
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9
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To link to this blog (MunchkinMatron2) use [blog MunchkinMatron2] in your messages.
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